Where There's Smoke

October 16, 2020 - Page 20

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Funguy paces back and forth while performing a speech to his comrades.

<Funguy> chorus fruit. a bizarre, alien specimen that we have discovered in these purple fields.

<Wingus> spaceweed

<Funguy> although some of us are new to this island, and others are natives, we are unified by our mutual uncertainty regarding these peculier, chunky trees.

<Tooligan> NEVER SAW PLANTS LIKE THIS BACK IN THE CITY!

<Tooligan> WAIT, THERE WERE NEVER PLANTS THERE TO BEGIN WITH.

<Funguy> my gut tells me that this "fruit" is unsafe for human, or cat, consumption. even when enchanted, the "weed" prompts a strange high in those who ingest it by smoke.

<Wingus> i had some funny dreams after smokin it hehe

<Funguy> i am beckoned to study it. the research of this fruit, its properties, and how it affects us, it gives me... purpose. i need to further my understanding of this... stuff.

<Funguy> as such, i have elected you both to assist me with this project.

<Wingus> why not june. are u intimidated

<Funguy> she's busy looting and hiding the bodies of the Papermaker grunts from the other day. i didn't want to bother her.

<Wingus> lol ok funny guy

<Funguy> i... fucking, wingus. i need you to cut down a lot of these trees. we're going to have a lot of testing in the coming days.

<Wingus> ok but what do i get in return for this deforestation

<Funguy> i'll let you smoke it if you do.

<Tooligan> PLEASE DON'T FUCK UP THE ECOSYSTEM.

<Wingus> dude i know you like nature and trees and shit but this stuff is obviously unnatural

<Funguy> they're right. chorus is not unsimilar to a disease. it plagues these lands.

<Tooligan> ALRIGHT ALRIGHT! BUT IF IT TURNS OUT WE'RE FUCKING UP THE ENVIRONMENT BY DOING THIS, I AM GOING TO KILL YOU BOTH

<Wingus> haha do try

<Wingus> hey jason while i cut all these trees can u make a map so i dont get lost

<Jason> wec

This map will surely prove to be invaluable to the Syndicate. Wingus saves it so he doesn't get lost.

<Wingus> oh so the area in orange is where i chopped

<Jason> wec

<Wingus> looks like a dick and balls. good work jay

<Jason> wec

<Wingus> alright cool lets get home im tried

<Funguy> alright wingus, how would you rate your energy level from 1-10?

<Wingus> oh ok hehe uh is 1 the highest or is 10 the highest haha

<Funguy> what do you fucking think? it's always 10.

<Wingus> ok ok jeez uhh 3. i am 3

<Funguy> i see.. now, recite to me your backstory once more.

<Wingus> ok so my sister was dumb and ran away and i tried killin crasher wake but it was some other pirates really u know cuz crasher wakes a a good guy it was the actual bad pirates who messed things up so i stole their ship and uh here i was. am

<Funguy> christ, you're incoherent. okay tooligan, knock him down!